no limits.

“When f(x) = 2x, use the value….”

“Ask the ‘No Limit Solider!” he flashed his dashing smile, while taking a break from playing tetris on his T2 scientific calculator he borrowed from his teammate.

Ms. Nettles, like always, stopped her lesson, to engage in his attention-seeking explosions. “Well….maybe I should…” She slowly turned her heavy-set statue, and shifted over to the file cabinet where the tiny, green toy soldier had been placed on Friday afternoon before the pep rally. As she moved across the classroom, a waft of 1977 (maybe 1978) flowery perfume spread through the air. I will never forget that raunchy smell. I turned my head from my book and smiled at my boyfriend. How does he do it? His smile back to me begged me for my participation. I knew the look, and accepted the bet. We always competed…who could push it the furthest, and we both secretly got off to playing the game. Game on.

“Now, I believe he says that when f(x) = 2x….,” she slowly began…

“---wait! do you hear that?!” I interrupted, stepping up to the plate. “No Limit Soldier is actually is saying that we should have pizza delivered to our classroom.”  It was a bold move, but one, if politicized correctly, would send my boyfriend into defeat. I got this. I got this. Despite the appropriate laughs from the class, as well as Ms. Nettles, from a typical jokester outburst, I began stating my case in the most serious and convincing tone in my arsenal. In the midst of comparing why ordering pizza could relate to our math lesson, I turned to my boyfriend (mostly for approval, but also to mock him, knowing that I was going to pull this off) who was shaking his head and smiling. He had put the ‘No Limit Soldier’ toy (conjured up from a rap song, and a lesson on numerical approaches to limits- Nettles, of course, only knew the connection between the toy’s name and the latter of the two derivatives…..pun intended) on the file cabinet, staring right in my direction a week before. He said it was to remind me that he controls the classroom. If I weren’t the Sagittarius that I am, we would have ended right then and there. However, I adored our playful nature, and we pushed one another constantly while seeking laughs.

* I drove up to my old high school the morning before my flight back to New York. It was the first time I set foot in the place since graduation…8 years ago. Confidently walking into the teachers lounge with a good friend, I pulled up a chair and began the tedious process of explaining what I had been doing, where I had been, praising the structural changes of the high school, noting how young the students look nowadays…blah, blah, blah. I turned to my left where she had just sat down. “So, do you remember me?” I asked, knowing there was a very slim chance Ms. Nettles, well into her 60s would recognize me.

“Now,” she began in her creaky, high-pitched voice, “how on earth could I forget the only student in my 35 years of teaching that convinced me to order pizza and have it delivered to our classroom? Tell me. What are you doing with your life?”

“I actually was inspired by you, and ended up becoming a mathematician.”

I texted him before I got on my plane back to New York to let him know I got her last. Before I could even sit back and enjoy my victory, he challenged my play. With the same politicized attitude, he promptly informed me that flat out lying to the woman doesn’t count. Until next time- Here’s to “The Game.”

USMNT- oh. my. god.

today was epic in the soccer world. i am speechless. i have just been smiling all day. if you saw our boys go to battle against algeria then you know what i am talking about. landon donovan scored the game winning goal in stoppage time in the 91st minute of the match, advancing the usmnt to the second round (a round of 16 teams). for as long as i can remember landon donovan has been a key player, if not the best player, on this team- today he gave american soccer fans such joy through his leadership, tears, and words. what a humble, hardworking athlete! i am so proud of usa in this tournament. not only have they battled through two matches with their heads held high despite disallowed goals, they continue to portray such class on and off the field. this is the usmnt's first world cup group title since 1930, and they will face ghana (easier than germany) this saturday. i guarantee you that clint dempsey will put one in the net. there is no question in my mind. go usa! thank you for the passion and the reminder that there is just so much beauty in the game of soccer.

i need coffee before making coffee.

my college roommates shook their heads in dismay when i walked back into our apartment after visiting another friend next door. "are you serious, kaylan?" uh oh. what did i do? hmm...i got nothing. then i noticed my grilled chee- excuse me, my charcoaled, burnt to a crisp grilled cheese sandwich stuck to the pan, smoke everywhere.

30 minutes earlier: kaylan was hungy and started making a grilled cheese sandwich. kaylan ran next door to talk to her friend, allie, for what was suppose to only take a minute, so she could hurry back and flip her sandwich. kaylan totally forgot about her grilled cheese. oops. note: no alcohol was involved in this situation, unfortunately.


i preface this post with my grilled cheese story only to emphasize that i have moronic behavior. i embrace it, but it does make life a little messy. i simply get distracted with things. i woke up this morning and started my routine. first on the list, walk to the coffee pot and get it started. yes, i have the auto button, but making coffee in the morning at least gets me moving, plus i don't like to commit to making coffee in case i want to go somewhere else in the morning for some. who knows how i will feel when i wake up- i sure don't. so here we go. water. check. filter. check. coffee (caffe sanora organic antioxidant dark roast coffee- shout out because it's so good). check. switch the on button. check. back in my comfy bed to read my morning meditation passage. needless to say, all was well, despite the unusual sound of the coffee maker. eh. a few moments go by and while reading i got distracted (shocking) and happened to glance over to where my coffee maker was only to notice that my coffee pot was sitting about a foot away from where it should have been. fuck. coffee was steaming all over my counter and dripping down onto the floor. oh, simple tasks in life. i'm going to say that the moral of the story, the lesson i am taking anyways, is um...how about....don't be an idiot and make sure your pot is clean and in position. ha.

another note: the grilled cheese event happened twice...within the same month. yep. 

day to day.

these are some of my daily indulgences at the moment, and, for now, they are all highly recommended to all.

1. thursday plantation's tea tree australian chewing sticks (i'm proud to say i have turned friends and co-workers into toothpick junkies). you can pick these little boogers up at your nearest health food store. these birchwood toothpicks are 'impregnated' (says the box...which i like and think is funny....cause i'm a twelve year old) with tea tree oil and other natural extracts. i'd say i'm up to a pack every couple of weeks. i'll cut back...when i'm ready.

2. andrew bird's noble beast album (check playlist below to hear just a little sampling of this goodness). you can buy the album on his website here, if you are inclined to do so. my mornings have consisted of coffee in hand, tea tree australian chewing stick (only $3.99 a pack!) dangling in mouth (like a true southerner), and mister bird's anonanimal blasting in my car.

3. meetings. i have been making more of an effort to get to meetings, such as nyack's village hall planning board meetings, book discussions at the library, and other groups that support a common interest. i find that even if i am not in the mood for the small talk with random people i don't know, i always walk away learning something about my community, literature, or myself.

4. double espresso. anyone who wants to buy me an espresso machine is highly encouraged. i just like to think i'm doing my part by stimulating the economy. i'm such a great citizen!

5. writing pretend scripts for 30 Rock and SNL in my head....and then laughing to myself because i think they are hilarious....god, i'm such a loser. yes, this is, unfortunately, a daily activity. (i wonder if this has something to do with not having cable).

6. lighting a candle. (if you are like me when it comes to relaxing, also check out AuraCacia brand aromatherapy....this isn't a daily ritual, but i had to share the wealth).

7. reading at night- either a novel, the new yorker, or the paper. no matter what, a poem is the last thing i read before sleep....the best ones are from people in your life.

8. laughing.

first things first- i like writing in all lower case.

after much prompting by a dear friend (and after watching Julie and Julia), i have decided to enter into this world that is blogging. does the first post have to be mind-boggling and in-your-face captivating? i feel like if there was a book on the etiquette of blogging, the first chapter regarding your first post would say something like this: "and make sure to use proper english and utilize the spellcheck button. your first post is your first impression to the world of your potential blogger followers, so grammar is essential. also, try and captivate your audience with radical ideas. try pushing the envelope a little further with sexual jargon, or controversial statements regarding human rights, health care issues, or.....sarah palin comments." i don't know. i'm fairly certain that my 'nest' of a blog, if you will (do people usually write out 'if you will'...hmm?), shall be liberated from all rules- including my own. well, thanks for allowing me to have a safe nest where i can land. i'm pretty pumped to enter into this journey. my name is kaylan- lower case writing, pablo neruda, and tiramisu are some likings.